Who Am I as a Communicator?

For my application assignment this week, I asked my supervisor and my friend if they would fill out the surveys based on their perception of my communication skills.  As I went over the results of the surveys, I must say I was most surprised to find that all three Listening Styles Profiles identified the same results.  We all agreed that I was “People-oriented;” thus, falling into Group 1. The narrative description identifies this group as being empathetic and concerned with others’ emotions (Rubin, Rubin, Graham, Perse, & Seibold, 2009).  I learned that one of the positive attributes of this group is having the ability to build relationships with others.  Having this attribute promotes effective communication with children, parents, colleagues, and the community at large. It is important to build these relationships so that we can all advocate and support the welfare of others. 

 However, I also learned that there is a downside to being a part of this group; our lack of caution when trusting others.  This leaves us vulnerable to manipulation and exploitation; thus, interfering with proper judgment (Rubin, Rubin, Graham, Perse, & Seibold, 2009).  Unfortunately, not everyone is trustworthy and in our profession we have to be mindful of this at all time in order to protect our children and their families.  It is our job to help teach them the difference between building safe and unsafe relationships.  I think it is important to be people-oriented, but we need a balance to ensure effective communication is taking place at all times, in both our personal and professional life.  In order to accomplish this we need to obtain knowledge and skills in all four listening styles; people, action, content and time oriented.

I must say, I was somewhat hesitant in the beginning to find out how others viewed me, but in the end, I was glad this exercise was a part of the curriculum because it not only provided insight on how others feel when they are under my spotlight, but it open my eyes to communication skills I need to work on internally. 

Reference

Rubin, R. B., Rubin, A. M., Graham, E. E., Perse, E. M., & Seibold, D. R. (Eds.) (2009). Communication research measures II: A sourcebook. New York: Routledge.

Week 3: Communicating Differently

Communicating Differently   

  I find myself communicating with my friend from Panama differently, because she speaks Spanish fluently and very little English.  Her husband speaks both English and Farsi fluently and because their three children are natives of America, they all speak English, Farsi and Spanish fluently.  My friend was telling me how when her children started daycare, the teacher told her to speak English at least 30 minutes a day in the home because the children did not speak English, she was finding it difficult to teach them.  My friend refused to speak English in her home because she took pride in her culture and wanted to pass it on to her children.

I first met my friend during my undergrad studies.  We took a few classes together and ended up working on a class project together.  I remembered having to do most of the presentation in front of the class due to her broken English.  I found myself taking charge of the conversations because I perceived her inability to speak fluent English as a handicap. I also perceived her as being incapable of understanding our culture.  As I began to get to know her on a more personal level, I realized that my inaccurate perceptions were based on my stereotypical thoughts. 

Since this time, I communicate with my friend differently in that I listen intensely when she speaks, because I am what you would call Spanish illiterate.  I wanted so desperately to be able to effectively communicate with her.  Both my husband and daughter have taken Spanish courses and now they are teaching me a few words so that I am better able to communicate with her.  Three strategies I have learned to effectively communicate with my friend and her family is to observe her family’s nonverbal cues, listen carefully to what they are saying and respecting their culture values, beliefs and traditions.     

Her family has become a part of my family in that we celebrate birthdays and holidays together.  As I reflect on our relationship, I ask myself, was it I who was handicap and not my friend.  Just as I saw her as being the outsider; it was I who was the outsider in her eyes.  Had I not taken the time to get to know her as an individual, I would have missed out on what I consider a very special friendship.

Week 2 Blog: Communication Skills

King of the Hill 

I began watching King of the Hill without the volume to see if I could decipher what was going on.  I found that my observation of the nonverbal communication was inaccurate.  As I watched one man being escorted by another to this elderly woman’s office, his facial expression showed signs of nervousness about going to see her.  The man goes home and sits down to have dinner with his family, but shows expressions of anxiety. He grabs both his wife and son’s hand and closes his eyes as if he was praying.  The elderly lady was shown again in the lobby of the hotel speaking privately with another gentleman.  Later the same woman is shown at a dinner with the same man who was now wearing a military uniform.   Four guys were standing on the curve drinking what looked like cans of beer, as the elderly woman pulled up in a limousine and the man got out.  It was obvious this woman had power because everyone seemed nervous and uneasy around her. 

When I watched the television show with the volume turned up; I found that the lady was the governor of Texas.   The guy in the uniform was her date and the guy that was being escorted to see her was his friend who name was Hank.  Hank was being escorted because of security reasons.  Hank was trying to get the governor to support his invention of a propane grill.  He was praying with his family because he found charcoal on the floor by the refrigerator in his house.   Hank thought that his wife did not support his dream of a propane grill and preferred charcoal.  This worried Hank so he told his wife she had to choose.

Nadig (2010) “We all act and respond on the basis of our understanding, and too often there is a misunderstanding that neither of us is aware of” (para. 9).  When I first watched the show, I thought because the woman represented power that maybe she was a part of the mob and that Hank had did something that she was displeased with.  When I saw how nervous Hank was around his family, I thought he did not know how to tell his family about the trouble he was in and that he was praying that it would just go away without anyone finding out.  When the lady showed up to dinner with the man in uniform, I assumed he was her husband.

Had this been a show that I had seen before, I would have known the characters and the roles they played.   My assumptions would have been more accurate.  This exercise reminds me of the cliché “You cannot judge a book by its cover”.  Our minds tell us one thing and our ears tell us something different.  This is why it is essential to listen to what is being communicated to us.  According to Williams (n.d) “Delivering verbal communication involves trying to choose the right words and nonverbal cues to convey a message that will be interpreted in the way that you intend (para. 4).

Reference

Nadig, L. A. (2010). Tips on effective listening. Retrieved from http://www.drnadig.com/listening.htm

Williams, S. (n.d.). Listening effectively. Retrieved from http://www.wright.edu/~scott.williams/LeaderLetter/listening.htm

What is Communication?

My husband, who is the Pastor of our church, demonstrates competent communication when conducting Bible Study, Children’s Church and during his Sermon. For starters, he often has props when speaking to a crowd; whether it be power point slides, fill in the blank, test, posters or whatever is needed to provide a visual for the audience to engage in.  I like the way he starts off by setting the tone through story telling.  He does this so that he captures the audience attention before going into the scripture.  He has a way of magnifying a person’s mind that they become so engross in what he is saying, they want to hear more.  The one thing that I find very impressive when listening to my husband speak is that regardless of the age of the crowd, he makes sure that he reference something to each age group that makes it easier to understand what it is he is trying to communicate to them by relating it to our everyday lives.  In other words, my husband caters to his audience instead of making his audience cater to him.  This is what makes him an effective leader.

I would definitely want to model my communication behaviors after him because he puts the needs of his audience before his own and that is the way it should be.  As professionals we must find ways to stimulate our children minds and eagerness to learn.  We have a better chance of doing this by first understanding how each child learns best.   The younger the child, the short his or her attention span; therefore, we must find ways to obtain and maintain their attention.  In order to be an effective leader, I must gain the skills and knowledge needed to communicate efficiently with my children and their families.  I believe this can be best accomplished by respecting and accepting individual differences.